It Doesn’t Have to Be Lonely at the Top

This article was originally featured in Forbes.

When I was 40 years old, I went to the doctor for what I thought would be a routine annual physical. It became anything but routine when my physician noticed a spot on my lung that appeared on a chest x-ray. I was advised to have it biopsied and, if required, to have that portion of the lung removed. Surgery was scheduled for the following week, during which time I considered all of the possible outcomes.

At this moment, I couldn’t help but think of my father. We had started a wealth management business together a few years earlier, and shortly thereafter, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. When I knew there would come a day when I could not walk into my father’s office for advice, I had sought out a resource that would give me a place to go when I needed business insights or perspective—the wisdom of elders, so to speak. I joined a peer network that had become an essential part of my business life.

In this time of uncertainty, my peer group stepped in and asked the questions that got to the heart of my concerns: What was plan B for the business if I didn’t come home from the hospital? Together, we ensured that I had the right succession plan and documents in place and walked through a couple of scenarios to ensure that I would leave the company and my family in good stead should the worst happen.

Days later, I was fortunate to learn that the spot on my lung was simply a fungus, likely a spore that I’d breathed in during a trip to Mexico. The health scare quickly receded to the back of my mind, but the peace of mind that I’d been afforded thanks to the support of my peer network never abated. If anything, it renewed my commitment to the process and to the group.

Peer networks come in many forms and are available to most entrepreneurs.

They operate like any other membership organization for which you must be vetted and pay a fee for participation, and they offer business owners an invaluable resource—a place where you can receive unvarnished, honest and transparent advice and counsel from people who have no vested interest in the outcome beyond helping you be the best leader you can be. Joining a peer network is the best way I can imagine to prevent the isolation that comes along with leadership. People say, “It’s lonely at the top.” What I have learned is that it doesn’t have to be.

Over the last 30 years, I’ve spent the second Tuesday of each month with a group of 16 CEOs who have become trusted advisors and friends. Peer networks are different from networking groups or leads clubs because business development is not the goal. And while it can sometimes lead to doing business together, the primary value lies in the symbiotic mentorship as we challenge one another on how we think and operate our businesses. It’s where I go to have my answers questioned.

When I have the chance to advise a young entrepreneur who is considering joining a peer network, I think about what I would have wanted to know:

It’s okay to let them see you sweat.

Participating in a peer network is an exercise in vulnerability, and for some leaders, it takes time to open up fully. Your peer network is not a replacement for therapy, but it is a place you can go to work through the biggest challenges you face as a leader, and you’ll want to be prepared to share in complete confidence.

Ego doesn’t play well.

You’ll quickly learn how good you are at taking input when you are part of a well-functioning peer network. You’ll also develop servant leadership skills as you work to bring your best advice to your peers. If you’re familiar with the saying, “garbage in, garbage out,” you likely understand that what you get in return is only as good as what you contribute.

It’s an investment in lifelong learning.

I often compare my peer network meetings to a continuous MBA. As you listen to leaders in different industries work through their challenges and opportunities, you gain valuable insight about your own business. After 30 years, I can confidently state that I still learn something and take away valuable insight from the group each session.

Be prepared for a different kind of candor.

You could hire an advisory board for your company—many of us in my peer network do—but I notice that the advice and counsel that comes from our paid advisors often lacks the candor of the input we get from our peer group. I firmly believe that people behave according to how they are incentivized, and regardless of how independent your advisors may be, their vested interest will always be in protecting their position.

Bring your best self.

As I mentioned, peer networks aren’t a replacement for therapy, so while you are encouraged to bring your challenges to the table, you will want to be discerning about bringing your grievances. You’ll likely get the most benefit from bringing actionable issues—however difficult or exciting they may be. Do you need to replace your CFO? Who is the right prospective buyer for your business? Are you struggling to fire a longtime employee who’s been left behind as the company has grown? These are the types of issues that will benefit from the wisdom of the collective.

I've found that the longer you’re involved in a peer network, the tighter the bonds will be, and the better the input that you’ll receive will be. There’s simply no replacement for people who have a lot of context about you and what makes you tick, about the limitations you have that you might be blind to, and what your intrinsic strengths are. It’s also a place where you can learn fully what it means to pay it forward.

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